Shrek Forever After

Posted on December 26, 2010 by Loc

Review by Loc

Wow, for a franchise that started out as any other non-Disney, non-Pixar CGI venture, studios have milked Shrek like an osteoporosis- suffering dairy maid. To say this series is long in the tooth is not only an understatement; it lacks creativity much like these movies. Sure, the first one was clever and the second was decent, but after the third installment it was safe to say the green ogre should be put to rest. Then this comes out. Quick hit: like a real solid direct-to-DVD episode.

Shrek Forever After is the fourth installment in a series that really only warranted a sequel at best. That’s not to say this isn’t a decent film, there’s just very little to see at this point. The story this time is the “It’s a Wonderful Life” treatment with Shrek dealing with a scheming Rumplestilskin to return the big green guy to a life that is less celebrity and more infamy. He is an ogre after all, he should be able to scare those around him at will. Ah, but the conniving Rumplestilskin functions more like the proverbial devil in this story, offering deals with unforeseen costs and leads Shrek to an existence of nonexistence. Continue reading →

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Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
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Posted in 6 - Almost Worth Your Time, Animated, Comedy, Loc | Leave a comment

Eat Pray Love

Posted on December 24, 2010 by Loc

Review by Loc

Let us forego the social commentary on middle-aged, upper class, divorcee mid-life crisis self-indulgence. Don’t get me wrong, the values of meditation, self-reflection, and personal growth, are immense. The more society learns to grasp these so-called foreign concepts, the more humanity may actually survive beyond the incessant materialism that blankets the globe today. However, those are deeper issues, this is a movie review. Quick hit: boring self-indulgences doesn’t make an entertaining movie.

Eat Pray Love is a love-letter to one’s self…if that self is a privileged, upper class woman living America. Yes, that’s the easy generalization, but it’s also the truth. No one will deny the catastrophic effects a divorce can wreak upon a life. Yet, most people don’t have the luxury of coping with this life-altering event through a year-long sabbatical of globetrotting self-discovery. And just because our main character does have that option doesn’t make her an engaging subject to follow. Continue reading →

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Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
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Posted in 3 - Don't Bother, Drama, Loc, Movies, Romance | Leave a comment

Scott Pilgrim vs the World

Posted on December 18, 2010 by Loc

Review by Loc

A new generation has moved in, scoot over Generation Y or Millennials or whatever you want to be called. Yes, we’re now in the age of…geekboy fandom. What does that mean? It means the days of jocks, the days of rocker punks, the days of average nerds, those are long gone. Their replacement? A nerdy geekboy who plays guitar, looks goofy, has little athletic ability, emotes like a drama queen in therapy, and commands the adulation of teenage hearts. It’s weird, I know. Quick hit: uh, what the hell did I just watch?

Based on the indie comic, Scott Pilgrim vs the World follows the aforementioned geekboy named Scott Pilgrim as he mangles his way through young adult romance. Now, this may seem like your average, nonthreatening awkward romance-comedy, only it’s not. And why? Because the tables have been turned my friends. A geekboy is now cool. A geekboy is now hot. A geekboy is now the protagonist. Most importantly, a geekboy is NOT the underdog. And for this generation that has embrassed this new archetype, I mourn for you. For you have lost a vital component in your life: masculinity. Continue reading →

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Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
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Posted in 4 - Almost Mediocre, Adventure, Comedy, Loc, Movies | Leave a comment

Twilight Eclipse

Posted on December 6, 2010 by Loc

Review by Loc

I was so wrong. So so very wrong. A story about teenage vampires and teenage werewolves and teenage love angst, that’s not a bad thing. It’s a great thing. And the act of being changed into a vampire masquerading as a subtle metaphor for teenage virginity…brilliant. Really, how could I have missed it? No, the stunning popularity of this series is not an indictment of society’s willingness to embrace superficial mediocrity. I mean, why have standards if nothing ever meets them. Better to lower expectations or you’ll just be left with a whiny, stupid blog that no one reads. Quick hit: hell no, this sucked.

I won’t recap the story…actually I will because the immense material will take 34 words to sum up. Pale emo chick falls for paler emo guy who happens to a vampire. Tan little dude works out like crazy and becomes tan buff dude werewolf. Enter love triangle that no one cares about. Not that you’re caught up, we enter the third film where…emo chick, emo guy, and buff werewolf banter about with the most banal dialogue since the last BMF movie review. You see, I’m being meta, self-referential for no apparent reason. And sadly, the only entertaining parts of this film follow the same formula. Like when pale Edward asks pale Bella if buff Jacob owns any shirts, which is actually funny because that kid really does wander around shirtless the entire movie. Continue reading →

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Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
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Posted in 4 - Almost Mediocre, Drama, Loc, Movies, Romance | Leave a comment

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest

Posted on December 5, 2010 by Loc

Review by Loc

So the trilogy is complete and the intertwining lives of Mikael Blomkvist and Lisbeth Salander concludes with the longest title ever. Unfortunately, much like the title, this story is a long, meandering tale that plays out slow and fails to capitalize on the energy of the original. Sad, it seems most stories aren’t meant to be shorter installments of a larger, meta tale. Quick hit: too much eh.

If you haven’t heard of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, you will. You’ll either read it in the coming months, see the original Swedish film adaptation, or hear about the coming Hollywood remake starring James Bond and Mark Zuckerberg’s girlfriend. Wait, what? Sorry, that’s Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara to you. Yes, this is the hottest literary property since The Da Vinci Code or Harry Potter or…Twighlight if you consider that literature. The interesting thing about this property is that the author, the late Steig Larsson, actually finished all of these novels way before the movie studios came calling. In fact, Larsson wrote these novels for personal enjoyment and they were only published posthumously in the last half decade. Continue reading →

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Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
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Posted in 5 - Mediocre Effort, Crime, Drama, Loc, Movies | Leave a comment